What a muddy plot you have.
The better to confuse you with, my dear.
I am a huge fan of Catherine Hardwicke. The "Twilight Saga" has ventured onward without her and has dragged in colossal sums -- who knows what kind of box office numbers the Breaking Dawn two-parter will do under Bill Condon. We're talking borderline Harry Potter numbers here.
The problem is, they've lost their edge. That handheld choppiness -- that borderline off-putting editing -- that slow it down/speed it up -- clear "direction" has left Forks. Eclipse and New Moon are clean and pristine -- about all they've kept in common with the franchise kick-off is their excellent soundtracks -- another Hardwicke signature. And this isn't to say Chris Weitz (my hero) or Hard Candy's David Slade didn't nail the follow-ups. But they've been smoothed down and polished beyond studio compare. Take one look at the directorial style of the Twilight "baseball game" and it couldn't be more clear -- the edge is gone -- then again, so is glittering in the sunshine -- you take what you can get, I suppose.
But this helmer of Thirteen and The Lords of Dogtown is clearly a director to be reckoned with (or for any of my students who happen to be reading this "a director with whom one should reckon"). I wonder what she'll do next and which film will be her signature piece. One thing is certain -- it shall not be Red Riding Hood.
I for one am overjoyed about Hollywood's current tip toward adapting and reinventing fairytales and folklore. It's always a nice recurring trend to ride through and the vampire - werewolf obsession spawned by Stephanie Meyer, Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson makes Catherine Hardwicke the slam-dunk choice to lens it.
But the plot, my friends, the plot. And let me just say spoiler alert to the max.
What looked like it had the possibility of being a neat little film about a small town, a werewolf, a snow and some hot people turned into a muddled near laughable mess that made me re-evaluate my deep disrespect for The Village.
A small town is haunted by a werewolf to whom they sacrifice livestock each month. One month, the wolf kills the beautiful Amanda Seyfried's sister. How can this be? We've been giving that wolf goats and pigs on a regular basis and then he up and kills one of us? Murmurmurmur, watermelonbubblegum, elephantshoe.
Lukas Haas -- who still looks like he stepped off the set of Witness and who may well be the reason Leonardo DiCaprio produced the pic (or vice versa) -- is the local priest who insists they call in the big religious guns. And who else would be the worst possible priest to ring up? Well, Gary Oldman, of course. What was nice to see is that this was real Gary Oldman -- not watered down Sirius Black. This was the Oldman of the '90s who we all think could snap at any moment, torture folks, or just straight up kill them -- and he does. That was at least a pleasure.
But apparently -- according to this film -- the town is currently under a "Red Moon" wherein a werewolf's bite can turn anyone into an additional werewolf. This, of course, is long after multiple drifting, warning camera shots of a VERY white moon -- at least they were kind enough to keep the moon red once this brand-new piece of folklore was introduced.
Thus we're left with a love triangle between Seyfried unknown actors -- a woodcutter and a blacksmith -- both about 18 and great looking. Amazingly to us of the modern age -- a woodcutter is an absolutely unacceptable husband whereas with a smithy you've struck gold -- or you've at least met someone who can hammer it into the shape of something.
So the wolf obviously returns and starts killing people and no significant actor is ever on-screen while this is happening to keep absolutely everyone a suspect. And one night -- while the wolf is slash folks to pieces it corners Amanda Seyfried and speaks to her. Yes, the wolf speaks. And this is one of these modern day werewolves who doesn't take its lycanthrope form like good old Benicio del Toro in the highly underrated (seriously, rent it today) and now Oscar-winning Wolfman. No torn shirt and jeans here. This is one of these actual wolves that looks more like that bad-ass from The Neverending Story and yet it speaks. So it tells Seyfried to leave town and make a new life.
Of course, every single character in the movie has told Seyfried to do this one way or the other, so there's no telling who it could be. Amazingly, in my opinion, it's also a clear sign that Seyfried should indeed leave town -- wolf endorsement or not.
And here's where the holes come in. The questions.
What the hell is Julie Christie -- dame of Beatty-dom -- doing here?
Oh, she's the dad's mom?
If the wolf can't go on holy ground, why don't we all just chill in the church for the whole movie?
Aren't there like 15 people in this town? Wouldn't it be relatively easy to just take attendance?
Why are they killing every person who is "wolf bit" when the wolf itself claims its power can only be passed on to someone in its bloodline?
How are there locked guarded gates around the entire village and yet my dear Julie Christie -- granny who lives out in the woods -- can come and go as she pleases?
What is going on?!
I'm not going to spend time nitpicking over the remarkable contradictions of logic that persist through the rest of the film because frankly I'm in a storm of conflicting emotions -- I wish to hell Hardwicke had made a better movie and at the same time, it's so bad, I can't possibly believe this was the intended picture. Something must have gone horribly wrong out there in the woods and somehow this was what we ended up with.
It looked great. And the music is good. I must give it both of those. But that's all.
Here's hoping Ms. Seyfried and Ms. Hardwicke get right back into the swing of things and put this one behind them.
-Matthew J. McCue
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